..if everyone cared..

Saturday, December 26, 2009

hello mello beylo people ,
I haven't been going home for such a long time .
hahahas , fight with my family members and it's a dread to go home .
what the hell right ?
I'll get fucked by papa soon .
Who cares lurhh weyy !

I'm currently at Geylang area ,
I'm searching for my friend , but I can't find him .
I received a message from his friend telling me that he got beaten up and is in the hospital .
I'm worried sick for him .
AKASHA , WHERE ARE YOU ?!
I've search everywhere for you .
here I am , lost ...
I don't know where else to find you .
What do you mean by your last message ?
haishhh , Akasha , please tell me where you are
Don't do this to me and Hamizah
We are like two idiots at Geylang lorong looking for you .
Thank goodness me and Hamizah know our way around here .
And I miss you so much .
Friend , I'm here looking for you , you're there missing .
haishh

hugged at 2:18 PM

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Thursday, December 24, 2009

I FEEL LIKE ENDING MY FUCKING LIFE .
I CAN'T STAND ANOTHER DAY OF IT .
THE PAIN IS HURTING ME MORE .
THE SUFFERINGS I'M GOING THROUGH IS KILLING ME INSIDE .
I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANYMORE .
I WANT TO DIE ,
I WANT TO DIE ,
I WANNA BE DEAD !

hugged at 1:19 AM

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Monday, December 21, 2009

hello mello beylo people ,

I'm in total no mood now ...

Freaking pissed with Asael .

Have I even accepted you to be my boyfie ?

Please lurhh , hati aku aderh kat insan yang lain .
Dan insan itu bukan adalah kamu tapi Ridzuan .

As days passed by , I doubted a lot of things .

My presence into Ridzuan's life .

It felt like everything is a mistake .

I know , as he reads this , he thinks I'm talking crap .

I know that you doubted my love for you .

now , I feel the same way .

Feel the same way bout myself .

Siapakah aku di hatimu ?
Siapakah kamu di hati ku ?

As days passed by , felt like I'm doubting my own self .

Maybe Asael it's right , a girl like me doesn't deserve to be loved .

I feel like everything's closing on me .

All the things around me .

Maybe it's true , I'm meant to be a loner .
HAH ! fucking retarded ....

I'm freaking pissed with myself .

Why must I face this kind of life ?

I don't wanna be like this ....
To be raped , to be a young mum and to be hurt all the time .

I don't know bout falling in love or loving anyone anymore .

Ridzuan ,

Deep down in my heart , I do love you so much .
more than anything in my life .

Things felt so easy and happy when you're around me .
And all I ever thought of is about you .

I know that you've doubted me .

With so many ex boyfie , doesn't that makes you think I'm a playgirl ?

Three months and still counting on I've remained Single .
living my life as it is when Puteri first came into my life .

Difficult enough for me to accept someone at that moment of time .

As I slowly gave in , I fell in love again .
However , what's happened , happened again continuously .

Till now , I doubted myself to love you .

All I have been doing lately is picking a fight with you .

I'm sorry dearest love ....

You deserve someone better then me right ?

I've got nothing to give you ....
I've got nothing to share with you .

My life haven't been full of smiles and love .

It's been a tough journey for me all this while , now I feel like ending it .

Ending all this and leaving myself unattended .

Leaving myself in so much pain and misery .
I don't wanna leave you with all these pain that I've carrying .
I don't want you to carry my burden .

Maybe , it's the right you thing that you did , treat me only as a special friend .

Maybe things are meant to be this way ?

I don't know .

All I want you to know , I've always love you more than words could be said .

you meant a world to me .

Take care aites my babylove ?

hugged at 6:52 AM

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Sunday, December 20, 2009

Hello mello beylo people !

Goshhh , I'm freaking tired today .

Last night I went out on a date with Daniel .

And I had a blast with him .

Thank you Daniel ,
you make my very first date memorable (:

Yesterday , I spent my time laughing non-stop with Daniel .
We travel around a lot yesterday .

He was sucha nice guy .

Thank you for making me laugh so much yesterday .
And people , if it either rains or drizzle by the beach ,
remember , it's not rain , it's sea water !

hahahahas , Daniel's lamest joke , lol .

A day before that ,
went lepak-ing with Akasyah , Fendi , Putra & my baby love ,
who else right ?
Hamizaahh Boncett !

Went to the connector and actually sat on top of this big pipe in the middle of the big drain .
cool shit actually !

After that , went lepak-ing at the void deck until the sun rises .
then we headed back to Tampines , had our breakfast , and off back home .

ouhhyaaa , Last Thursday ,
mama & papa went to Kuala Lumpur .
HamizaahhBoncett slept over at my house .
Cool shit you know !

we had movie marathon which is not considered as one since she fell asleep asap ,
and we went riding MOST OF THE TIME ...
serious shit , getting bored of it though ....

And Dearest Lamp post and his cousin slack at my house .
* winkwink *

He looks super cute when he sleeps .
He's cousin kept on farting & sleeping .
hahahahahaas , Hamizah too .

Lamp post left my house without waking me up and Hamizah escorted him out .

I was outraged but it's alright though .

All I can say , many things happened but I can't remembered them well .
hahahahas , stupid Myra right ?

I know , I know .
I'll upload some pictures soon ,
I'll show you my new friend , Akasyah (:

Super cute you know !

hahahahahas , update you all soon !

hugged at 9:15 PM

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

hello mello beylo people !
Yesterday was quite a blast .
I followed Hamizah, adik(Coco's lil bro) and adik's friends to swimming at Jurong East Swimming Complex .
It was actually so much fun going out with them .
Despite not sleeping for the whole night because me & Hamizah were still outside Lepak-ing .
We managed to pull through and had a great blast swimming !
Though , I kinda hate one of them . huahuahuahua !
I wanna thanked Adik for the invitation (:
I really appreciate it a lot & Thank you for looking after me & Hamizah in the pool .
huahuahuahua ,

I've got a confession to make , I've got phobia of deep waters .

Besides that , I want to apologise to Lamp post .

I'm sorry for being mean to you yesterday but then despite what others might say , including that girl , you'll always be the guy that I loved .

I don't care now that if you don't love me in return or whatever shits that might be , all I want you to know is that I really love you so much .

I don't need anything in return . and all I'm asking is for you to know that I love you .

Don't worry , I'm NOT a psychotic girl who would pretend to be her own boyfriend or whatever shits to make another girl hates you .

Anyway , I've got no rights to stop you from doing anything right ?
I'm just a special friend to you who loved you so much .

Anyway , Lamp Post , always remember this ,

You mean a world to me (:

hugged at 1:13 AM

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Sunday, December 13, 2009

yikess , I'm getting seriously nuts .

I don't know what got into me but I felt like life is so meaningless now and I just feel like giving everything up in my life because everything felt dumb .

There's nothing inside me and I feel so empty .

Why must it always be me and why can't I be happy like any other kid would be ?

To be loved by somebody and knowing that they won't make empty promises to you .

They wouldn't run away from you when they find someone important to them in their lives .
They won't practically figured out a way to make you hate them .
They won't just ignore you and moved on with their lives like nothing actually happened when deep down , there you are screaming in pain ...

Nobody takes notice of you when you're hurt and even if you are , you're just gonna put on that big wide fake smile, just to tell them you're happy when in fact , you're not .

Sometimes I feel like it's over for me .
Everything in my life is over and there's nothing to be adjusted nor looked upon on .

There's no use falling in love when that person never loves you back .
They might say " I love you too " but deep down they're just making use of you .

What's there to love somebody when deep down you know things between you and him are impossible .

Maybe there's always that somebody who's meant to be one lonely dope and that dope is me .

I'm freaking hurt and I'm freaking mad that things gotta be this way .

Where's the cheerful Myra that I once used to be .
Where the bubbly sweet Myra that I used to be complimented on .
Where is that Nur Amirah Syahirah , who used to be all that ...................

But now , she's drown alone in her own misery , in her own tears and in her own anger .

Where's that girl I used to be ?

hugged at 1:23 PM

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hello mello beylo people ...!

hmmm , things went on smoothly today .

And I almost fainted just now .

Didn't expect to face this much of a problem and that it all comes down to me .

However , despite all these having to happen in one day , I'm glad that things between all of us is alright .

Today have taught me a good lesson .

Appreciate those who are around now despite the fact that you might hate them for how they looked or what they might be .

I didn't realized something after since the last day of the Chalet .

I have bad thoughts of Hakim aka Acit but actually , he's a nice guy just that , that day , he was too emotional and was facing a breakdown .

Today , he and Khai and protected me from the danger that I'm in .
Both of them have been taking good care of me and they really seemed to take things seriously when it comes down to me .

When I actually lose my senses just now , both of them showed so much loved and concern towards me .
Surprisingly , Acit was stroking my hair and was continuously reading prayers to my ear .

Both Khai and Acit hugged me tightly .

Thank you so much guys , I really appreciate it a lot .

And now , I wanna treat them like brothers to me (:

Two of their brothers left their group which they call themselves the five brothers .
And now , there's only three left .

Since the Chalet , there's other four of us which got closer to them .
And hopefully the seven of us remained close no matter what .

Sadly , they can't call themselves brothers cause there's me and Hamizah around (:

We're not brothers but sisters . huahuahuahua !

Now they only one left are Khai , Acit , Apek , Adib , Yuyiee , Hamizah And lastly , myself .

Yuyiee is mine and Hamizah's baby TohChiKong cause he's so cute and he's the only chinese in the group of seven people but we still cliche well . (:

Khai is our PakNgah cause he talks like one and even acts like one ! huahuahua .

Apek ? hmmm , he looks like those apek at the coffeeshop who seemed to be heck care person kind of attitude and he's actually nuts .

Adib , hmmm , he's a really quite and shy kind of guy but very friendly .

Acit is the black metal kind of guy . He's always dressed in all black and at times , he's kinda weird .

Those are the five guys that would be one of the people most closest to me .

I hope these friendship last (:

I can't wait for another outing with them !

Hooorrraaaaayyyyyyy ! I really can't wait .
but most importantly is to get myself well first (:

hugged at 6:26 AM

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